Music Maps — Empty Bed

My mother left me for 4 years.

In front of the television glow, she sat proper and explained her goodbye

I couldn’t look away from the screen

Looking at her would make it less a nightmare and more a reality

Her silhouette in my memory is dark and without expression

I can recall the moment and most of details except how she looked

The fallout is clearer — an empty house

A sick mother made a sick child

Everyone was going to be a projection of my mother’s actions

Everyone would be accountable

Except for me

On her deathbed, I forgave her

But I don’t think I really did

Abandonment was the only thing I ever hated her for

Years later it plagues me and so I guess I never pardoned her

When I could dream, I would always see her showing up randomly in rooms

As if nothing had happened

And she’s still sick but unconcerned with her situation

Confused that I would be confused

My mother’s wings grew large when she knew she had to leave